Mark Antoine
Do you know the game of dad jokes (or “dad jokes”)?
The principle is simple but super funny and effective:
A person reads a short, funny story.
And the challenge for the other person is not to laugh!
With each new joke or riddle, we alternate roles.
The first one who laughs is the one who loses!
There is even a board game based on this principle to play with friends or family.
Here is 93 best dad jokes that will be hard not to laugh at. Look :
1. What does a blind man say when given sandpaper?
The blind man said, “It’s sandpaper, I can feel it.”
2. What part of the vegetable does not pass through the blender?
The part of the vegetable that does not go through the blender is the chair.
3. How do you get a baby out of a blender?
You don’t put babies in a blender!
4. How do you recognize a letter sent by a leper?
We recognize a letter sent by a leper because it is now anonymous.
5. How does a blind skydiver know he is going to hit the ground?
A blind skydiver knows he’s about to hit the ground when his dog’s leash becomes tight.
6. Why does a Chinese child never believe in Santa Claus?
A Chinese child never believes in Santa Claus because he knows that Santa Claus is “made in China”.
7. Do you know why belugas are on the verge of extinction?
Because there are not enough Belu girls.
8. What does a cat ask at the pharmacy?
Do you have any tom syrup?
9. What is the birthday of all the cats?
It’s mid-August.
10. Where is Mozart hiding?
In the fridge, because Mozzarella.
11. If you drink alcohol, you become an alcoholic. What if we drink rum?
We become romantic.
12. What do you call a hair that becomes depressed?
A pubic hair.
13. When an electrician dies.
You need to let your family know.
14. There is a guy on Le Bon Coin who wants to sell his SPA. But no one buys it. For what ?
He wrote SPA for sale.
15. The giraffes have disappeared. You know how ?
It was a mounted “neck”.
16. I know an owl, he sulks.
While his wife is nice.
17. What is my cleaning lady’s name?
Sarah Mass.
18. A doctor announces to his patient:
– I have bad and very bad news.
– First tell me the bad one.
– You have cancer.
– And the very bad one?
– You have Alzheimer’s disease.
– Well… at least I don’t have cancer.
19. I received a phone call yesterday.
Well that hurts.
20. What do you call a roux in an oven?
A roux-ti.
21. What do you call a dwarf who works at the post office?
A dwarf-poster.
22. If I download a film without authorization in Guadeloupe, what do I risk?
To become a Pirate of the Caribbean.
23. What is the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Nobody eats broccoli!
24. What does a donut on the beach scream?
Hey, I’m going to donut!
25. Yesterday, I told a joke at Auchan.
She doesn’t have a supermarket.
26. Do you know what I named my penis?
Bido. Because every time I go to the bathroom, I scoubidou.
27. What is a dog selling glasses?
An optician.
28. What does a lemon say when it enters a bank to rob it?
Not a zest!
29. What happens to a Pepito at midnight?
A nugget.
30. What is the plural of coca?
Dumbbells. A coke, dumbbells.
31. What does a guy say when he wants to convince his wife to go camping?
Come on, let’s go to sleep, are you tempted?
32. Two candies are walking down the street and a cop calls them out:
Your papers please !
33. Why aren’t there any balloons on “Questions for a Champion?”
Because Julien Lepers.
34. What is the difference between Tintin and Snowy?
Snowy, he doesn’t have a dog.
35. It’s a gun meets a submachine gun:
The gun said to him: Have you been stuttering for a long time?
36. What do you call a wizard who does tricks using yogurt?
A fake white mage.
37. This is the story of a dwarf who has 26 children.
Well, it’s short, but it’s effective.
38. What do you call a hearse driver?
A pilot died.
39. This is the story of two soaps that meet.
One says to the other: You have lost weight.
The other responds: I took a bath.
40. What is small, square and yellow?
A small yellow square.
41. What is the country where you can make lots of easy money?
Tunisia.
42. What is transparent and runs in a field?
A flock of panes.
43. In the sentence “The thief stole a granny”, where is the subject?
In prison.
44. Mama Cloud and Baby Cloud are taking a walk.
Baby Cloud stops and says: Mommy, I want to make rain rain.
45. What are two toothbrushes doing on July 14?
A toothpaste fire.
46. This is the story of an ox.
He runs, he runs and he meats himself.
47. Why are there so many tennis players in prison?
Because of the snowshoes.
48. What does a very stingy gentleman say to his children when he wants to please them?
If you’re good, tonight I’ll show you a picture of a child eating ice cream!
49. Two maggots end up in an apple.
Hey, I didn’t know you lived in the neighborhood.
50. What is a penitentiary that misses its escape?
A narrow recovery.
51. Why did the mammoths disappear?
Because there is no more papouth.
52. Which syllable makes frogs smart?
Grrrrr… otherwise they would be noodles…
53. What does an empty sink sing?
A phon phon siphon.
54. What do you call a redhead dwarf nurse?
A little first aid redhead.
55. Why does the pencil run?
Because the pencil on paper.
56. Hello, do you have halal cereals?
Of course, and I also have tartines tines and ture ture jam.
57. Why do the Portuguese wear gold chains?
To know where to stop when they shave.
58. Which star always asks for two ice cubes in their glass?
Michael Douglas
59. What is the opposite of a cat?
A pasha.
60. How does a nun make babies?
brooding
61. What do trees say when they go to a nightclub?
Which one am I going to plug in?
62. The mother asks Simon:
– What are you doing ?
– Nothing
– And your brother ?
– He helps me !
63. What do a burnt pizza and a pregnant woman have in common?
In both cases, there is one who has not released it before.
64. What do you call a wizard who does tricks using yoghurt?
A fake white mage.
65. What happened in 1111?
The invasion of 1.
66. What do we buy at the bakery?
Bread ? Yes.
67. What do you call a gift that goes away?
A surprise party.
68. What is a pea and a carrot fighting together?
A good duel.
69. What is a clove of garlic thrown at a wall?
Return of the Jedi.
70. What is the difference between men and snow?
None. We don’t know how many centimeters we will have and how long it will last.
71. How do you know a politician is lying?
When her lips move.
72. What cry does a donut on the beach make?
Hey, look at me I’m going to donut!
73. Why do the Portuguese wear gold chains?
To know where to stop when they shave.
74. Why don’t cows talk?
Because on the sign there is written “the farm”.
75. Do you know the cry of the sperm?
Bah next time instead of swallowing you bite.
76. Do you know that it is Donald Trump’s favorite fruit?
It’s the blackberries
77. Where do chickens live in winter?
In Liverpool.
78. Two erasers meet in town, one of them says:
– How are you ? The other answers him.
– Erase if erase that.
79. What does a pill in a jar of pills say?
I feel compressed.
80. What is the capital of Tamalou?
Bobola (bobo la).
81. What does a leaf say when it is in water?
I have no foot (paper).
82. A lady walks with her 2 Saint Bernards. The woman sees a little boy and asks him:
– Do you want to see my Saint Bernards?
– Uh no me it’s Bertrand.
83. Why do Mexicans like to eat in the toilet?
Because they like to eat spicy food (and pee).
84. Leo leaves very quickly to become an animal. What animal is it?
Answer: A Leopard
85. Who is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
86. When I see Spaniards I say to them “Mucho”.
It means a lot to them.
87. Why don’t fish like dirty jokes?
Because they are afraid of being caught by the net of vulgar words!
88. What’s the dirtiest joke a dad can tell?
It’s when he says, “What’s all white and falling from the sky? A fridge with a broken parachute!”
89. What is the favorite joke of 18 year old dads?
“Why do divers always dive backwards and never forwards? Because otherwise they fall into the boat!”
90. Why are Quebec dads good comedians?
Because they have maple syrup in their veins and humor in their DNA!
91. What does a dad who likes scatological jokes say to his child?
Do you know why toilet paper rolls? Because he’s afraid of being pooped!”
92. What do you call a joke made by a dad-to-be?
A “waiting-baby” joke!
93. What do a mustache and a scarf have in common?
My grandmother wears both well.
Your turn…
And you, do you know any other dad jokes? Share them in the comments. We can’t wait to read you!
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